I'm sorry it's been a while, guys. Things have been just a bit crazy over here, with two big humanitarian aid events finally finishing up the last few weeks (that's what I'm doing for my calling these days, and I love it, but it's definitely kept me busy), as well as regular life with school drop-offs and pick-ups, playing, birthday-ing, and all manner of other stuff. It's been a really great couple of weeks, but super busy. I am grateful for the next week, in which I only have a few scheduled engagements. I'm just so tired! And no, I'm not pregnant. Just the regular bone-tired.

All this tiredness had me thinking today. Yesterday was the General Relief Society Broadcast for our church, and I loved all the talks that were given--several moments I was sure they were written just for me. But, oddly, more than that, I found myself thinking back to the last broadcast. I don't remember much of what was said, but I do remember going out for ice cream with some really dear friends after it was done. We had a great time, and I remember thinking on that day just how lucky I was to have such wonderful people in my life.

I think our move was so sudden that I hardly had time to mourn the friends and place that I was leaving. I try not to think about it too often while I'm here, too, because I don't want to dwell on sadness. It turns out--I love this place we're in, and I love the people here, too. I remember wondering, as I left Provo, how could I ever find another Amanda, Georgia, Holly, Lesley, Cindy, Michelle, Laura, Linda... all these names, and so many more. We truly loved the people we were with. And don't even get me started on the primary kids. How was I ever going to live without them all, seeing them every week?

I somehow realized yesterday that I am never going to find another of any of them. And I know that you can never really go home again. But at the same time, I love now knowing Kimberly, Tess, Tracy, Nancy, Ela, Britney, and a whole host of new names, and I can't imagine my life being complete without knowing them, too. And all I'm left thinking is how difficult it is sometimes to move on. We have all this wonderful technology that keeps us all connected, but it's so hard sometimes to still be connected--it's a very real reminder of what we're missing, no matter how happy we are in our new spot in life. I feel so torn--betraying those I left by being happy here, betraying those who are here by missing those back in previous stages of life.

Maybe I'm just too tired tonight to be thinking about such deep stuff. But mostly, I just want all my friends, from all the stages of my life, to know how much I love and appreciate them, and what we've had, whether currently, or in the past. I was changed by each of you, and I am so thankful for it. I can't imagine my life without you having been a part of it. Thanks for continuing to love me, too.


BECKY said...

such a sweet post.

Tannie Datwyler said...

I love this Jessie. It's so true isn't it? I was thinking back on all my "best" friends. :) It's funny now that in school we used to have to label our best friend. But now that I'm older, I can have so many best friends and I never feel the need to qualify it.

I caught up with my "best friend" from junior high. It was fun to see where her life has gone. She's not LDS so she's taken a different track, but I sure do love her still.

But you are right - the relationships will never be the same when you move away. I have gained and left SO many friends over the years (hazard of living in an area of high student population - right?) And I'm so grateful for how each has changed me, but it's hard.

Starting over is the easy part. I love to make new friends.... saying goodbye is the worst.

Britney said...

We're glad you're here too! :)

gilian said...

make new friends,
but keep the old,
one is silver and the other is gold.

Old girl scout song that I've never forgotten. So true.

pinksuedeshoe said...

I love what you said about technology connecting us is a constant reminder that we are apart. I love that. It's so poetic, melancholy and true all at the same time. Such a great post.

Amanda said...

Jessie, this is exactly how I feel too =). I actually went to DearElder (aka, my old house) yesterday, and it was so weird to see your house (and my own too), and know you are 2 states away now. That the Kilgers aren't there. Made me nostalgic and a little sad. I mean, it hasn't even been a year since we moved, but you know what I mean. Anyway, love this post.

Erika said...

Great post. Thanks for sharing. I'm sure I'll be feeling this way very soon with our upcoming move.