"When you choose mothering, you've chosen a form for your life. You have instantly imposed upon yourself a certain level of responsibility. You will have to choose more carefully where to put your resources, particularly your time and energy and probably your money as well. But as those elements settle into spots that seem right, your family comes to life and there is joy in it."
This is a quote from the book "Being the Mom: 10 Coping Strategies I learned by Accident Because I Had Children on Purpose" (what a title, eh? :)), which I picked up at Time Out for Women. It talks before this about how you can write a poem, but if you choose to write a sonnet, you have to follow the form. Motherhood really is the same way, I think.
I've been struggling lately, trying to figure out how to divide my (seemingly very very) limited energy lately. I know that I want to be a great mother, one that helps her children grow and learn every day, one whose children know she loves them, and one who can stay on top of things around the house as well. Some days go better than others-I find the energy to have art time with Breanne, and reading time with Janey, dinner makes it to the table, and the house stays in reasonable order. Other days we watch a lot more tv and play computer, while I nap a little, and for dinner we eat cereal, usually at the table. Sometimes I even yell, which I hate. It's hard to find a good balance sometimes, and the thought of bringing another daughter into the mix makes me more than a little nervous. I just hope that as my energy returns after having the baby (it does do that, right? Somebody remind me, reassure me, please?), I'll be able to find productive ways to use it to enrich all my girls. I want to focus on the form I've chosen for my life, and find a way to fill it well. I am so lucky to get to stay home with my children every day, to have a husband who willingly goes to work every day to provide well for us--I want to remember not to take advantage of that, and to enjoy these days that I have with my girls.
Just my ramblings too late at night. :)